have a fear of going to sleep at night with the thought that there might be things you didn't accomplish or opportunities you'll miss if you sleep?

it's such a silly thing but lately, i've felt like these random late hours are the hours that something I don't know about needs to be taken care of... or that guy I like might call me or text me....or something like that. I've felt like the peaceful feeling i'm looking for is under the moon at like 2... I just wanna stay up and go out and do things to know that I didn't miss anything... but knowing that i'll go out to find nothing just makes me wanna stay up later to wait for it more... it's a cycle  I have to break off...

 this dance major at vcu who kicks ass at dance wants me to join him in starting up a winterguard.... his dance team ranked 9th overall at nationals and 1st in jazz and contemporary.... and I write some damn good flag work....he's pretty good at sabre (it's dancy anyways) and our powers combined could probably handle the rifle...

the group would be Independent A though.... which means we'd compete against JMU.....

but it sounds.... tempting... to be an instructor with a damn good dancer who could write the best dance shit ever... cuz we all know whomever rules the dance category rules the class.... 

that'd be so bitchy to go against my home area.... but it sounds so temptin cuz JMU always starts so slow and then gets pretty good by the end but never gets passed carly and jerry's bickering.... 

 I got sick on my sister's birthday....

i have to take off work....

I found out I had strep and the fastest way to get rid of it is to take a butt shot so I did because....

Saturday is First Flight winterguard camp where I get my ass kicked and

Sunday is when all my friends come over....


This is sickness is probably one of my lows this summer >_>

 It's Sooooo good to be settled back in at home ^^ I've missed the home feeling of the real world....

yes... JMU doesn't count as the real world... and it's funny, cuz when I walk around the area of VCU, the people  seem so in tune with the world still. We're just a  bunch of party kids lost in the mountains I guess : P hahah

Now that i'm back though... everything feels so repetitive. Not in a bad way exactly.... but ya know how people ask how you're doing and you same the exact same thing you've been saying to them every time they ask how you are? I feel like that's how it is... new people at home, new parties, new coworkers, same work drama, same video games, new music, same guard life.... I can't tell if that means stability or a lack of excitement? Probably both : P

PS: Anyone got a Robious Sports and Fitness Center membership?? the yoga class mixed with weight machines is a nice workout!  :)

I'm not really in the mood to go home this year.  I don't think it's because I "love JMU so much" or will miss JMU people too much, but i'm tired of moving. I thought about it... and ever since my parents divorced, I have been carrying my personal belongings in a mobile manner. Ever since I was 10, I was living out of some kind of luggage case. That's kinda sad.... psht... but whatever... I'm really glad to go home and see people I haven't seen in awhile. It's weird how the numbers lessen over the years and people who were once really good friends dry up into people you kinda sorta know.  I guess that the people I do hang out with though are the friends who stand the test of time. But, as long as I still see them here and there (or once a year at Godwin High School now that I think about it), that's always good too :) 

Summer Goals:

Go to  South Carolina to see my "should be boyfriend but not cuz he lives too far away." If anyone wants details on him, he's a sweetheart :)

Volunteer at a hospital. I'm a health science major with a concentration in pre-physical therapy. Who saw that coming??

Work at Ruby Tuesdays but also get another job to do something new with my life. 

Venture through all of Maymont one day. 

Go to the First Flight Clinic (i've become actively involved in winterguard these days. I've got some skills too ^^ )

Go to the River House once

See fireworks 

Speak some japanese... I really miss it. 

Hang out with any friends I can.





That's my life so far... from scanning through the pages of people on my friends list on this, a lot of you are people i've maybe spoken to once in a couple years. If you wanna hang out at all, i'm in the same area as always! :) 

Anyways... I guess I should be taking care of business now and study.  I have 2 anatomy exams, a calculus exam, and a health related statistics exam this week. FML

-Patrick

 When we get caught up in our own worlds, we forget all the other things we used to have and use to express ourselves. 

It's been 118 weeks since I've posted and i'm pretty sure I remember everyone's name I see on the friend's wall but DAMMMNNNN!

HI GUYS!!! I miss you all : ) I'm gonna try to get on this and write stuff again I swears...

Kevin... the first thing I saw was your jokes.... I love it : P

it seems life is very hard... it kinda feels like Final Fantasy Tactics...

all i want is clairvoyance....i have to sort through all this stuff to find it...

i want passion and none of this craziness.... people talk about excluding drama from their life....and yet it seems like that is all they posess....

and if i run away....i'll never understand others.... i understand myself.... but i won't ever be able to help unless i can understand others....

is it reall that much to ask for to have things be simple?

FRIENDS ONLY!!! a little late telling yall...hahaha.... so message me with love or something!!

hmmm.... well...now today has hit.... and it feels like a normal day....except i can't find as much reason to stay on AIM anymore....

learned alot last night... and i suppose it was better i did than aimlessly wander..
but wow....wish i had known sooner... i feel like an idiot for writing that....

but now ...im over it....hey.... with me living my "losers love life" its very easy for me to rebound after rejection / learning things... so im cool now....

i guess a thank you would be in order to jimmy for listening to me... i wouldve been happy to share with people....except as i said in the conversation... "Why bother telling people who are 'taken' about your problems?" i never will understand why people do that....


so now.... im listening to my evangelion music..... and just sitting...doing nothing....because i cant think of what to do....

i DO have work to do... i've done 1/3 of it.... but based off of being eaten by mosquitos... i decided to come in....

and now i just feel like sleeping balled up in a corner of the room...


not sad...not happy either.... i just feel....

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gone to school early because i can.... if you want me i'll probably be aimlessly walking abut in my attire.... listening to music...


It's official.... me listening to my music pisses off the majority of my environment....

oh well.... it's their fault i dont want to talk to them...and even when i want to talk to them i might keep my head sets on....

music is my way of thinking....i do homework with music....i read with music...my emotions parallel with music.... i concentrate with music.... people think im antisocial but im just bundling thoughts up....


indeed.... so i'll be going now! see you all at the concert.....

btw....drum major real thing tommorow...and i'll be ready!!!